Poems
The Dictator Expounds on the Cultivation of Fruit Trees
Before they take you on as gardener,
cultivate the trees with care, seek
their support, eat the fruit they give,
drink the juice to make you strong.
When you get the job, patrol the orchard,
wave the loppers, brandish secateurs
and saws, just enough
to make them think.
Keep them neat. Trim off extra growth,
abolish adventitious shoots, chop
whatever spoils the uniformity
of all your ordered rows.
If you dislike lemons, rip
them off, but never compost them
until they’re squeezed down
to the last pip.
Obstinate trees must go.
Keep an axe at all times
under the bed. Let Sycamore Gap
be your friend.
Brick walls and barbed wire
will keep the orchard free
from windblown wildflower seeds
and stop the trees from wandering.
I’m sorry to have left so suddenly
for Cuba, and I assure you that my mansion,
private plane and yacht are necessary
for social, leisure and alcoholic purposes.
I enjoyed the gardening while it lasted
but if I ever had to do it again,
I’d remember that chopping off the flowers
is in the end a fruitless enterprise.
One of the winning poems in The Poetry Archive WordView 2025 Competition.